Ah, Thanksgiving, the time of year when we all come together to celebrate gratitude, tradition, and that weird casserole your aunt insists is “her specialty.” Whether you’re hosting a small army of relatives or braving the treacherous roads to visit the family homestead, surviving Thanksgiving requires more than stretchy pants and a smile. It’s a battlefield of passive-aggressive comments, suspiciously dry turkey, and, of course, family members who range from charming to outright unhinged. Here are some pro-tips to make it through unscathed, or at least with your sanity mostly intact.

1. Travel Like a Pro

If you’re traveling, treat it like a mission straight out of an action movie,

Leave early, arrive early, The roads are a madhouse, and airports turn into a live-action Hunger Games. Either get there ahead of the rush or accept your fate in the chaos.

Pack strategically, Bring noise-canceling headphones for the plane and pack snacks. Also, a “flat tire kit” isn’t just for emergencies, it’s a great excuse to take a breather when the family gets too intense.

Lodging ninja, If staying with family sounds like purgatory, book a nearby Airbnb. Feign allergies, plumbing issues, or a non-existent work Zoom call to escape to your peaceful, drama-free zone each night.

2. Weird Uncle Survival Tactics

Every family has at least one, a conspiracy-loving, politically incorrect uncle who thinks Thanksgiving dinner is a TED Talk opportunity.

The art of redirecting, When the conversation veers into flat-earth territory, casually ask him to carve the turkey or refill your drink. His ego will happily oblige.

Non-verbal shields, Nod along, offer the occasional “huh, interesting,” and don’t engage. You’re not here to win debates, you’re here to survive.

3. The Judgy Mother-in-Law Playbook

Is her turkey “always juicier”? Does she remind you how she kept her house spotless while raising six kids? Mother-in-laws (MILs) are a Thanksgiving boss level you can’t skip.

Compliments are currency, Tell her how delicious the green bean casserole is—even if it tastes like sadness. Compliment her hair, her outfit, or her table setting. Disarm her with flattery before she goes on the offensive.

Deflection is key, If she starts comparing your parenting, cooking, or life choices to hers, flip the script, “What’s your secret to keeping the turkey so moist?!” She’ll bask in the attention and forget to criticize you.

4. Sneaking Drinks in Dry Houses

Not every family welcomes alcohol, but some Thanksgiving conversations just beg for liquid courage.

Coffee cup cocktails, A splash of rum in your coffee or whiskey in your Coke? No one’s the wiser. Just don’t spike someone else’s drink by accident.

Bathroom stash, Keep a small flask in your toiletry bag. If anyone asks why you’ve been in there so long, blame the turkey, it’s always the turkey.

The “grocery run” ruse, Volunteer to pick up more cranberry sauce, then swing by the liquor store for “supplies.” You’re a hero and buzzed.

5. “Going for a Walk” with Cousins

If your family is the type where “going for a walk” with your cousins involves a suspicious cloud of smoke and giggling, be strategic.

Eye drops and gum, Don’t come back looking like Cheech and Chong. Visine and a minty fresh cover story are your friends.

Excuses, excuses, Got red eyes? Blame allergies, dry heat from the oven, or peeling onions. Aunt Sharon doesn’t need to know you’re higher than the Macy’s parade balloons.

Don’t overshare, Keep the post-walk giggles under control. Laughing uncontrollably at Grandpa’s World War II story is a dead giveaway.

6. Break Time Strategies

Surviving Thanksgiving isn’t about endurance, it’s about strategic breaks.

The “helpers’ escape”, Volunteer to carve the turkey, wash dishes, or man the grill. You’ll look productive while avoiding small talk.

Bathroom hideout, The bathroom is the Switzerland of family gatherings. Bring your phone, lock the door, and scroll mindlessly for a few minutes.

Post-meal “nap”, No one questions the food coma. Sneak off to a quiet corner and pretend to sleep while you recharge.

7. Food Diplomacy

Thanksgiving food politics are real.

Take small portions, Even of the weird stuff. Nobody likes seeing their dish untouched. Take one bite, make an exaggerated “mmm” noise, and move on.

Avoid food debates, Whether it’s turkey frying vs. roasting, canned vs. fresh cranberries, or pie preferences, stay neutral. Wars have started over less.

8. Embrace the Chaos

At the end of the day, Thanksgiving is messy. Families are imperfect, traditions are weird, and someone always drinks too much or says something inappropriate. Instead of stressing, lean into it.

Set realistic expectations, Nobody’s family is as perfect as a Hallmark commercial. Yours is no exception.

Find the funny, Someday, the drama will make a great story. Try to laugh about it now instead of crying into your mashed potatoes.

Gratitude amidst the madness, As wild as it gets, these are your people, judgy MIL, conspiracy uncle, red-eyed cousins, and all.

Thanksgiving is less about perfection and more about survival with style. So grab a plate, keep your flask handy, and remember, the best way to survive Thanksgiving is to embrace the beautiful, ridiculous chaos of it all. Cheers, and pass the gravy.